The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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