Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
