Pappa wants mamma naked
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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