PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
