Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I lost the right to judge tonight
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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