I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
