I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
