They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
