don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
