i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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