so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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