whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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