I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
