I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize