i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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