A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize