There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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