Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
