I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
