I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
