so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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