So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
