I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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