Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
