no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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