Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
