Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
