She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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