I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
