A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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