If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
