Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Boobs are out for the taking
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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