Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
