you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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