i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
