I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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