She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
