just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
