Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
