You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
