Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
