I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
