Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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