The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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