I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
