Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
