So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
