1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
