i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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