Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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