i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
