No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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