So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
