Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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