Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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