yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
