My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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