we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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