Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
