i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize