Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
