I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
