watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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