U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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