Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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