I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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