Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
