I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
