i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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