I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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