I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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