Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
