I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
