i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
