o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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