On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
