Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
