how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
