Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize