you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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