I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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