where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize