my sisters under your porch take her home
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
