Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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