Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
