So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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