Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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