we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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