do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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