Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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