So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
