I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
