Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize