We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize