why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
