your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
