There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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