I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
