just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Be still, my beating vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
