it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize