if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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