she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
