ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
