hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You dont lie about slip and slides
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
