i think my tv is drunk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
