I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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