yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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